"Never Have I Ever"

           As I lay awake, in front of this weirdly shaped computer, my mind can't seizes to stop running marathons. Tabs after tabs after tabs; I have opened over fifty tabs. You would think my mind is wandering on youtube or tumblr; wrong. Here I lay, for the first time in years, wandering off on what my future may hold. Never have I ever stayed up so late simply to figure out what is it that drives me. Writing? Designing? Talking? Maybe even party planning? I have never been the type of person to be interested in high class classes. Sciences, Business were never my forte. Thinking of being in classes that include me doing labs or business related "shananigans", almost literally brings a darkness to my soul. The thought of myself as a doctor or a pharmacist or a chemist rattles the hair out of my head. Nothing. I repeat. Nothing could make me be a part of that world. Unless of course, there were to be some gorgeously handsome and smart surgeon I was interested in. But let's be honest, what are my chances? 

Never have I ever wanted clarity more than this moment. This hour. This minute. This second. August 31th, 2013. Today is the day I shall plunge into my education. Not any type of education, especially not the stupid way with uninteresting subjects. Never have I ever truly told myself that it is time to fight for my future and my dreams. Oh "dreams". I am the epidemic of a "dream girl". I have been THE "dream girl" for over eighteen years. Dreams after dreams after dreams. I have been passionate over many things. From a celebrity wife to a Prime Minister. I have thought of it all. But, never have I ever truly stopped and focused on these passions, to eventually make them my reality. Maybe someday, I will no longer call myself a "dream girl". But instead, I shall be called "reality babe". Not to come off cocky or anything. I truly believe a person who knows and goes for what they want are the babes, the sexiest people. 

Never have I ever really "loved" school.  It has never been interesting. I have dragged on homework, exercises, exams and all those scholarly things, simply because I had no interest in anything educational. Except maybe nutrition. But, that cannot be a career for someone as uninterested in science as I am. Now, look at me. I am googling all these super or non-super universities, simply because I believe I belong in university. I belong in a world where I will educate myself with knowledge that will not only uplift me but also positively enhance my mind. 

It is time. It is time to stop saying never have I ever and start saying "Today, I will".